Recently, I made a student cry in writing class. No, not on purpose.
We were breaking her story and the rest of class, intrigued with her premise, began to pour out questions to this overwhelmed student whose only response was “I don’t know. You’re asking the wrong person.” It happened so quickly, it didn’t occur to me to stop the barrage. Seeing that we were getting nowhere, I called a break and in the bathroom discovered how attacked this student felt. My perception of the event was completely different from hers. I saw excited students ready, willing and able to help, but needing some guidelines. She saw students laughing at her, bullying her and mocking her. She dabbed at her eyes to keep herself from an eruption of tears.
This got me thinking…
How many times have I been brought to tears because of a perceived insult? How many times have I misinterpreted well-intended comments? A LOT!!
I think my upbringing was riddled with mistaken interpretations. And I’ve been consciously undoing them ever since.
Here’s what happens…
We have pain in life. We want to stop the pain. We assign a cause to the pain so we can distance ourselves from the cause. We create more pain by blaming the cause and by creating a limiting belief around what caused the pain. This quadruples the pain because now we have a mistaken belief system that perpetuates the problem.
An example… I have pain as a child. It’s natural. Part of life. Add to that… my Dad isn’t home. I conclude I have pain because my Dad isn’t home. Now here come the limiting beliefs…my Dad abandoned me and he abandoned me because I wasn’t worthy of love.
Then we often go further than that. If Dad abandoned me, chances are that all men will abandon me. Now, I have this limiting belief that I apply to all men that wasn’t even true in the first place and the men in my life will need to abandon me in order to fulfill my belief system.
(Luckily, I cleared this belief system. Thanks USM. Thanks David Elliott.)
The origin of the original pain is negative energy that I believe is a consequence of creating a world of matter. Separation from spirit. In psychology terms, we see this as separation from the mother. In the womb and once we are born we naturally pick up negative energy from our environment. Once we have that negative energy, we draw negative response to it. It is a cycle.
The “I am unworthy of love” belief system creates more dark energy as I continue to believe it and fulfill it. Adding fuel to the fire! And soon my system (body, mind, spirit) is overwhelmed with negative energy and becomes very, very sensitive to whether a man who floats my boat feels the same way or calls on a certain day or holds the door open. I actually broke up with a guy I was living with because he got another woman pie at the Fourth of July party. (It was a large piece of pie, if you know what I mean.)
This is where oversensitivity comes from: a system that is in need of cleaning.
It could be on a physical level - not eating the right foods.
On a mental level - entertaining toxic thoughts.
On an emotional level - pain overload.
On a spiritual level -feeling abandoned by God.
This will cause us to take people’s actions or inactions personally. If someone doesn’t acknowledge us when we smile at them, suddenly we have a thought: that person is selfish or narcissistic. Actually, we have no idea what that person is. The truth is we need to cleanse our own system of such perceptions.
Then we can feel our true value. Once we are aligned with our true value, people can do whatever they want to us, say what they want, even leave us and we can greet it with acceptance and joy. We can know what they do is about them, not about us. We can see through their actions to their pain and illusion.
We can trust our inner gold as solid, unshakable, immovable and divine. We can let perceived insults flow off of us like rain off an umbrella. They don’t touch us.
But we can only do this if we have cleared our pain and our limiting beliefs.
Otherwise, people are drawn to our negative (victim) energy and we cause them to act out our limiting beliefs. How many times have you said to yourself, “I knew he/she would leave.” or “I knew it was too good to be true?” Statements like these are evidence of a toxic belief system.
You will see your belief system play out over and over in your life until you clear it. Pain exists to point you toward the truth. Clear the pain and you can experience bliss. Our path is to remerge with spirit and to do so we must transmute the dark energy back to the light. As Bruce Lipton calls it, “Spontaneous Evolution.” It is the path we are all on. You can make it as hard or easy as you like.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Free Your Shadow Breath Circle
The Hub, 8pm, July 30th
We use massive amounts of energy denying, pushing away and burying our shadow. This leaves us as fatigued victims of half-lived lives rather than empowered co-creators of our destiny.
When ignored, our shadow lashes out causing headaches, backaches, addictions, cravings, and behaviors that shock and disappoint us. Sometimes our shadow just throws a heavy blanket on our emotions leaving us numb, immobile and confused. We don’t know who we are or what we want.
When we deny our shadow, we force others to act it out for us. And they do this literally. Our bosses yell at us. Our spouses act insensitive. Some "jerk" cuts you off on the freeway. But our image remains pure as the driven snow. We are golden.
Yet when we take responsibility for our projections, we can clear them and find serenity inside and out.
As Caroline Myss reminds us, “Your shadow aspects are primarily rooted in fear patterns that have more control over your behavior than does your conscious mind.” –Sacred Contracts
In this breath circle we will
-let others witness our shadow sides
-accept ourselves and others exactly as we are
-release the fear pattern under the shadow aspect
-take responsibility for our projections
-free our repressed energy
-discover the benefits of embracing our shadow
-bring light to the unloved parts of ourselves
-celebrate our wholeness
So bring your inner asshole, your outer bitch, your lazy, good-for-nothing selves, your skeptic, your procrastinator, your sexy vamp, your aggressive brut, your poor huddled masses and we will love them all and set them free. Plus, it’s me, so it will be fun.
The Hub
2001 S. Barrington Avenue, Ste 150
LA, CA 90025
July 30th
8pm-9:30pm
Exchange: $35
What to bring: water, blanket, yoga mat, shadow.
We use massive amounts of energy denying, pushing away and burying our shadow. This leaves us as fatigued victims of half-lived lives rather than empowered co-creators of our destiny.
When ignored, our shadow lashes out causing headaches, backaches, addictions, cravings, and behaviors that shock and disappoint us. Sometimes our shadow just throws a heavy blanket on our emotions leaving us numb, immobile and confused. We don’t know who we are or what we want.
When we deny our shadow, we force others to act it out for us. And they do this literally. Our bosses yell at us. Our spouses act insensitive. Some "jerk" cuts you off on the freeway. But our image remains pure as the driven snow. We are golden.
Yet when we take responsibility for our projections, we can clear them and find serenity inside and out.
As Caroline Myss reminds us, “Your shadow aspects are primarily rooted in fear patterns that have more control over your behavior than does your conscious mind.” –Sacred Contracts
In this breath circle we will
-let others witness our shadow sides
-accept ourselves and others exactly as we are
-release the fear pattern under the shadow aspect
-take responsibility for our projections
-free our repressed energy
-discover the benefits of embracing our shadow
-bring light to the unloved parts of ourselves
-celebrate our wholeness
So bring your inner asshole, your outer bitch, your lazy, good-for-nothing selves, your skeptic, your procrastinator, your sexy vamp, your aggressive brut, your poor huddled masses and we will love them all and set them free. Plus, it’s me, so it will be fun.
The Hub
2001 S. Barrington Avenue, Ste 150
LA, CA 90025
July 30th
8pm-9:30pm
Exchange: $35
What to bring: water, blanket, yoga mat, shadow.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Walking Into the Mystery
To know the truth of who we are
To feel it in our bodies
We have to let go of
Identifying ourselves as our job, our status, or our good qualities.
To flow with everything around us
We have to give up the struggle.
To be able to hear divine guidance
We have to give up knowing what’s best for us (and everyone else).
We can fight so hard to maintain control
When the joys in life are in surrendering.
Surrendering
Our issues and problems
Surrendering
Attachment to relationships, jobs, addictions
Surrendering
Our personality and specialness
What we find in surrender is a release of the pain and anguish that’s been holding our negative patterns in place.
Then there’s a free fall, a breaking of the chains, an opportunity to see that our fears are just illusions.
“The only thing to fear is fear itself.”
Through the freefall, we develop trust. We appreciate our obstacles as indicators of limiting beliefs to be released so we can realign to our path. We let go of what we want, so we can receive what we need. We discover we are held and supported by a loving universe. We find a sweet connection with everyone and everything. We feel the divinity of ourselves and see the light in others.
Once we are present, we can blissfully see and feel our true path. We know our life purpose. We receive inspiration, ideas and next action steps. We follow the path of our true hearts desire with faith. The path unfolds effortlessly and life feels like magic.
Then we walk in co-creation, with ease and grace, with deep satisfaction -- fully supported, completely self- expressed and vibrating with universal love.
Join me in 'Walking into the Mystery'
Friday night, July 9th
8pm- 9:30pm
The Hub
2001 South Barrington, Ste. 150
LA, CA 90025
Exchange: $35.00
To feel it in our bodies
We have to let go of
Identifying ourselves as our job, our status, or our good qualities.
To flow with everything around us
We have to give up the struggle.
To be able to hear divine guidance
We have to give up knowing what’s best for us (and everyone else).
We can fight so hard to maintain control
When the joys in life are in surrendering.
Surrendering
Our issues and problems
Surrendering
Attachment to relationships, jobs, addictions
Surrendering
Our personality and specialness
What we find in surrender is a release of the pain and anguish that’s been holding our negative patterns in place.
Then there’s a free fall, a breaking of the chains, an opportunity to see that our fears are just illusions.
“The only thing to fear is fear itself.”
Through the freefall, we develop trust. We appreciate our obstacles as indicators of limiting beliefs to be released so we can realign to our path. We let go of what we want, so we can receive what we need. We discover we are held and supported by a loving universe. We find a sweet connection with everyone and everything. We feel the divinity of ourselves and see the light in others.
Once we are present, we can blissfully see and feel our true path. We know our life purpose. We receive inspiration, ideas and next action steps. We follow the path of our true hearts desire with faith. The path unfolds effortlessly and life feels like magic.
Then we walk in co-creation, with ease and grace, with deep satisfaction -- fully supported, completely self- expressed and vibrating with universal love.
Join me in 'Walking into the Mystery'
Friday night, July 9th
8pm- 9:30pm
The Hub
2001 South Barrington, Ste. 150
LA, CA 90025
Exchange: $35.00
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Like Haiku from Hawaii
I
Soft sand
Kepa’a calls
Plumeria fall
II
Hugging Mother Earth
Caressed by Father Sun
Tears of relief
Greet my sandy face
III
Sticky
Sand clings
Like the past
To my skin
I wash and wash
And yet
The past
Clings like
Sticky sand
To my skin
iV
Under the sun
Granules of sand
Sparkle like diamonds
V
When I remove
My lipstick
I do not care
How fast
The wind blows
VI
Pineapple Lamps
Blueberry Breakfast
Papaya Ocean
VII
SPREAD ALITTLE ALOHA
Gentleness descends
Mother Spirit of Maui
To bless her guests
NAKED IS BETTER
Dingle dangles
Of all ages
Tummy’s fat
and tummy’s flat
Breasts facing
North, south,
East, west
Penis’ swinging
As Frisbees
Are tossed
Labias lounging
in the sun
The whole body
Held by the sand
The whole body
Plunged into the ocean
Nature as nature intended
Naked is better.
HALLOW
I am so hollow
As to be
Almost
Empty
Carved out
Of rain water
And sunshine
Hallowed
From my depths
To be
A vessel
Of light.
Lit from
Within
A hollow shell
A husk
A barrel
An empty
Space
for love
Or whatever
To fill.
SOULMATE
I feel you
Like my skin
Surrounding me
I see you
In my dreams
Making love to me
I set you free
Over and over
And yet you
Come back to me.
OCEANS
Come
Swim in my Ocean
Come
Play in my waves
Roll around in my warm sand
And pluck some rocks
To your liking
Come swim in
My ocean
And I will
Pull you under
And gently
Burst you forth
Gasping for air
I will
Cleanse your crevices,
your conceits,
your conditions
I will
Wash away
Your holdings
And
Leave you
Glistening
On the
Shore
Come Play
in my Ocean
Soft sand
Kepa’a calls
Plumeria fall
II
Hugging Mother Earth
Caressed by Father Sun
Tears of relief
Greet my sandy face
III
Sticky
Sand clings
Like the past
To my skin
I wash and wash
And yet
The past
Clings like
Sticky sand
To my skin
iV
Under the sun
Granules of sand
Sparkle like diamonds
V
When I remove
My lipstick
I do not care
How fast
The wind blows
VI
Pineapple Lamps
Blueberry Breakfast
Papaya Ocean
VII
SPREAD ALITTLE ALOHA
Gentleness descends
Mother Spirit of Maui
To bless her guests
NAKED IS BETTER
Dingle dangles
Of all ages
Tummy’s fat
and tummy’s flat
Breasts facing
North, south,
East, west
Penis’ swinging
As Frisbees
Are tossed
Labias lounging
in the sun
The whole body
Held by the sand
The whole body
Plunged into the ocean
Nature as nature intended
Naked is better.
HALLOW
I am so hollow
As to be
Almost
Empty
Carved out
Of rain water
And sunshine
Hallowed
From my depths
To be
A vessel
Of light.
Lit from
Within
A hollow shell
A husk
A barrel
An empty
Space
for love
Or whatever
To fill.
SOULMATE
I feel you
Like my skin
Surrounding me
I see you
In my dreams
Making love to me
I set you free
Over and over
And yet you
Come back to me.
OCEANS
Come
Swim in my Ocean
Come
Play in my waves
Roll around in my warm sand
And pluck some rocks
To your liking
Come swim in
My ocean
And I will
Pull you under
And gently
Burst you forth
Gasping for air
I will
Cleanse your crevices,
your conceits,
your conditions
I will
Wash away
Your holdings
And
Leave you
Glistening
On the
Shore
Come Play
in my Ocean
Friday, May 7, 2010
Dear God,
Today, in the middle of praying, I wondered why I pray.
If divinity is within me and I am one with it, then it seems like praying distances me from the oneness. Separates me. It is “me” praying to “God.”
Perhaps the distinction is necessary because I am also human and the prayer is coming from the human part going to the divinity within me. It is a form of surrendering to my higher self. I ask that God watch over my sister in her time of need, I ask that God protect me as I drive, I ask that God guide my actions and words so they are said and done with love.
As I think about it, praying to me is like setting my intentions. A powerful way to align myself with my highest good.
If I discover myself dreading a situation, I realize I have negative expectations and I reset my expectations for a positive outcome by creating AN INTENTION. Then the auto-response from my inner five-year-old or my inner teenager doesn’t kick in to unconsciously create the outcome. Any unhealed wounds don’t get to repeat their unhelpful patterns. My intentions guide my emotions, my interactions with others and my healing toward the best possible outcome available to me at the time.
Another way to say it is that prayer and intention align my lower self with my higher self. My ego with my authentic being.
This is the purpose of meditation for me. When I meditate, I connect to my inner divine spark. I AM. I dissolve my human self into the divine. I merge with the oneness, with everything, with bliss on a quantum level. This is my path. Surrendering my human self to UNITE with the divine.
There --no prayers separate me from who I really am.
There -- I am pure joy, love and abundance.
There -- I am one with all.
Of course, it's easy to be blissed out by myself in bed, with my eyes closed, breathing deeply. The key is to carry that state with me into every moment, every interaction, every eyes-open breath. And I am on the path to bring that state of oneness into waking and walking consciousness.
My future God-self.
For now, I will continue with my path of intention, prayer and meditation. Praying to be cleansed of limiting beliefs and misunderstandings. Creating intentions to reside in my loving, experience epiphanies and enjoy each moment. And meditating to connect to the oneness. I will consider prayer as a way to connect to the divine, not as a separation from Him. Until he and I are one.
Oh, and Dear God, thanks for the ride.
If divinity is within me and I am one with it, then it seems like praying distances me from the oneness. Separates me. It is “me” praying to “God.”
Perhaps the distinction is necessary because I am also human and the prayer is coming from the human part going to the divinity within me. It is a form of surrendering to my higher self. I ask that God watch over my sister in her time of need, I ask that God protect me as I drive, I ask that God guide my actions and words so they are said and done with love.
As I think about it, praying to me is like setting my intentions. A powerful way to align myself with my highest good.
If I discover myself dreading a situation, I realize I have negative expectations and I reset my expectations for a positive outcome by creating AN INTENTION. Then the auto-response from my inner five-year-old or my inner teenager doesn’t kick in to unconsciously create the outcome. Any unhealed wounds don’t get to repeat their unhelpful patterns. My intentions guide my emotions, my interactions with others and my healing toward the best possible outcome available to me at the time.
Another way to say it is that prayer and intention align my lower self with my higher self. My ego with my authentic being.
This is the purpose of meditation for me. When I meditate, I connect to my inner divine spark. I AM. I dissolve my human self into the divine. I merge with the oneness, with everything, with bliss on a quantum level. This is my path. Surrendering my human self to UNITE with the divine.
There --no prayers separate me from who I really am.
There -- I am pure joy, love and abundance.
There -- I am one with all.
Of course, it's easy to be blissed out by myself in bed, with my eyes closed, breathing deeply. The key is to carry that state with me into every moment, every interaction, every eyes-open breath. And I am on the path to bring that state of oneness into waking and walking consciousness.
My future God-self.
For now, I will continue with my path of intention, prayer and meditation. Praying to be cleansed of limiting beliefs and misunderstandings. Creating intentions to reside in my loving, experience epiphanies and enjoy each moment. And meditating to connect to the oneness. I will consider prayer as a way to connect to the divine, not as a separation from Him. Until he and I are one.
Oh, and Dear God, thanks for the ride.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Save the Date! May 14th at The Hub!
Ecstasy of Love
Are you playing small with your love?
Only loving what’s good and right?
Only loving so much, but not with your whole heart?
Afraid of being mocked or rejected?
Join me in opening the valves of love and
let love rush over you like a tidal wave.
In this breath session we will examine how we limit our loving,
we will surrender our fear of giving and receiving love and
we will discover the bliss that is our natural state of being.
Where can you find greater happiness by experiencing more love?
With yourself?
In your relationship?
In your day-to-day activities?
With your life purpose?
Join me to open your heart and fall in love with your life.
Let Your Love Flow…
May 14, 2010
7:30pm Gather
8pm-9:30pm Breathwork
The Hub
2001 South Barrington Avenue
Ste 150
Los Angeles, CA 90025
Cost: $35.00
What to bring: water, yoga mat, blanket, favorite teddy bear.
"Laurence is intuitive and a natural born facilitator, modeling strength of heart by her example. Through her group breathwork I have profound experiences with the energy of my body, guided breathing becomes a gateway to revelation and healing. For me, this is much more powerful and intense than “breathwork” implies, it is an opportunity to look my hurts and misunderstandings in the eye and release them forever, while tapping into deep levels of inspiration and creativity. Laurence is a gift to us all." -B.H.
Are you playing small with your love?
Only loving what’s good and right?
Only loving so much, but not with your whole heart?
Afraid of being mocked or rejected?
Join me in opening the valves of love and
let love rush over you like a tidal wave.
In this breath session we will examine how we limit our loving,
we will surrender our fear of giving and receiving love and
we will discover the bliss that is our natural state of being.
Where can you find greater happiness by experiencing more love?
With yourself?
In your relationship?
In your day-to-day activities?
With your life purpose?
Join me to open your heart and fall in love with your life.
Let Your Love Flow…
May 14, 2010
7:30pm Gather
8pm-9:30pm Breathwork
The Hub
2001 South Barrington Avenue
Ste 150
Los Angeles, CA 90025
Cost: $35.00
What to bring: water, yoga mat, blanket, favorite teddy bear.
"Laurence is intuitive and a natural born facilitator, modeling strength of heart by her example. Through her group breathwork I have profound experiences with the energy of my body, guided breathing becomes a gateway to revelation and healing. For me, this is much more powerful and intense than “breathwork” implies, it is an opportunity to look my hurts and misunderstandings in the eye and release them forever, while tapping into deep levels of inspiration and creativity. Laurence is a gift to us all." -B.H.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Cooking With Rita
Why is it that when I cut celery into tiny parts, my hands start to shake? Honestly more than a half hour in the kitchen breaks me into a smelly sweat. I want to lash out at the innocent zucchini. I want to burn the payaya. I want to never eat again.
I have avoided learning to cook for thirty years. I have been a happy take out queen. Having meals prepared for me where I don’t have to know what work went into them. But I wasn’t nourished by these meals. I was fed, but not nourished.
What is it about the kitchen that puts me into such a shaking rage? Will I be able to overcome it? Will I heal from the fear? What really went on in the kitchen anyway?
My mother painstakingly prepared steaks and broccoli and potatoes for four kids and a distant husband, everyday, three meals a day for at least 24 years. We never gave her an award. We never helped with dishes.
Why should I be surprised that my mother became depressed over the broccoli? She was quite alone. Nobody to help her. No one to cheer her on. I mean, I tried, but I guess my believability, as an authority figure was low at five years old.
I tried to convince my mom to be happy. It was a fairly simple argument. I didn’t really have a reason. It just seemed like a better idea than being depressed and wanting to die.
I guess I didn’t really understand her desire to die until I was much older. I didn’t feel that misery that invades every pore. I didn’t have those dark voices whispering horrible things to me. You’re worthless. End it all. There’s no reason for you to be alive.
Now, I would recognize this pain…it means you are off your path. That’s right. Spiritual or not, every person has a path that is for their highest good and usually feels incredible. The happiness path. Where you are fulfilling your life purpose, where you feel the joys of interconnection, where there is so much to look forward to and experience each day.
I would have told my mom she needed to make serious changes in her life. But at five, I simply said, “Be happy. You don’t want to die.” Now, I could recommend meditation, retreats, spa visits, poetry, and self-acknowledgement.
But then, all I could do was go to bed crying and hope that tomorrow wasn’t the day she ended the pain.
I feel the fear as I cut the zucchini and the rage, as I taste the vinaigrette dressing. I want to leave the room. I want to throw out the food or at least let it rot until it grows new limbs and colors. Until it stands up on it’s own and reenacts my fear of losing my mother.
Yet I stay and let Rita guide me through how much salt to add, how to cut the celery. I am so grateful to have a fearless, loving person mixing and boiling and broiling and sataying in my kitchen. I am afraid she will leave me. That I will mess up and she will refuse to teach me. I try to be good, stay positive. Be grateful. But I am quaking.
I know this is the last step. This is the letting go. I’ve worked on this issue a million times. Meditated and therapized. But here is the real work. I need to be in the place, feel the fear and let it pass through me. I need to let my hands shake while washing the zucchini. And I need to cry after Rita is gone. The final step to overcoming a life long fear. Going back to the place it started.
Please don’t leave me mommy. Please don’t die while the potatoes are cooking. Please don’t tell me again how horrible life is. I might start to believe you.
Once again I am crying, but this time I am not alone. I have my ancestors with me. I have my angels supporting me. I have my animal guide protecting me. I have God cheering me on, to release and let go. I am filled, surrounded and protected with the white light of spirit. I am safe. And I am loved.
I have avoided learning to cook for thirty years. I have been a happy take out queen. Having meals prepared for me where I don’t have to know what work went into them. But I wasn’t nourished by these meals. I was fed, but not nourished.
What is it about the kitchen that puts me into such a shaking rage? Will I be able to overcome it? Will I heal from the fear? What really went on in the kitchen anyway?
My mother painstakingly prepared steaks and broccoli and potatoes for four kids and a distant husband, everyday, three meals a day for at least 24 years. We never gave her an award. We never helped with dishes.
Why should I be surprised that my mother became depressed over the broccoli? She was quite alone. Nobody to help her. No one to cheer her on. I mean, I tried, but I guess my believability, as an authority figure was low at five years old.
I tried to convince my mom to be happy. It was a fairly simple argument. I didn’t really have a reason. It just seemed like a better idea than being depressed and wanting to die.
I guess I didn’t really understand her desire to die until I was much older. I didn’t feel that misery that invades every pore. I didn’t have those dark voices whispering horrible things to me. You’re worthless. End it all. There’s no reason for you to be alive.
Now, I would recognize this pain…it means you are off your path. That’s right. Spiritual or not, every person has a path that is for their highest good and usually feels incredible. The happiness path. Where you are fulfilling your life purpose, where you feel the joys of interconnection, where there is so much to look forward to and experience each day.
I would have told my mom she needed to make serious changes in her life. But at five, I simply said, “Be happy. You don’t want to die.” Now, I could recommend meditation, retreats, spa visits, poetry, and self-acknowledgement.
But then, all I could do was go to bed crying and hope that tomorrow wasn’t the day she ended the pain.
I feel the fear as I cut the zucchini and the rage, as I taste the vinaigrette dressing. I want to leave the room. I want to throw out the food or at least let it rot until it grows new limbs and colors. Until it stands up on it’s own and reenacts my fear of losing my mother.
Yet I stay and let Rita guide me through how much salt to add, how to cut the celery. I am so grateful to have a fearless, loving person mixing and boiling and broiling and sataying in my kitchen. I am afraid she will leave me. That I will mess up and she will refuse to teach me. I try to be good, stay positive. Be grateful. But I am quaking.
I know this is the last step. This is the letting go. I’ve worked on this issue a million times. Meditated and therapized. But here is the real work. I need to be in the place, feel the fear and let it pass through me. I need to let my hands shake while washing the zucchini. And I need to cry after Rita is gone. The final step to overcoming a life long fear. Going back to the place it started.
Please don’t leave me mommy. Please don’t die while the potatoes are cooking. Please don’t tell me again how horrible life is. I might start to believe you.
Once again I am crying, but this time I am not alone. I have my ancestors with me. I have my angels supporting me. I have my animal guide protecting me. I have God cheering me on, to release and let go. I am filled, surrounded and protected with the white light of spirit. I am safe. And I am loved.
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