WHY YOU SHOULDN'T SHOOT YOURSELF IN THE HEAD

It’s messy, for one. For another, if you miss or flinch then you’re sucking cider through a straw for the rest of your life.

Third, and most importantly, and the reason you shouldn’t kill yourself at all is that:

People change.
Life circumstances change.
Feelings change.

What’s more is…you can change them.

I know what you’re thinking, “I am trapped. Everyday is misery. Everybody hates me. Not one person would care if I were dead.”

Trust me. I’ve been there. I cried for years on end. I put a gun in my mouth and pulled the trigger. Didn’t work. Gun didn’t go boom. My pain didn’t evaporate in a lightning flash blackout.

Thank God.

Because now I know I am not trapped. I do not cry myself to sleep every night. And all those nasty thoughts? “No one cares. Everyone hates me.” They weren’t true! I was just so depressed I couldn’t see past them. But I see clearly now. Life is completely different now. I have a loving, supportive family. I have joy throughout the day. I have a million reasons to live.

I know those dark thoughts and feelings can be convincing. You REALLY FEEL it’s the end of the world. But it’s not. No matter what your situation is, LIFE CAN GET BETTER. Even if you are declaring bankruptcy. Even if you haven’t worked in three years. Even if your wife left you for your best friend. Even if you committed a crime, LIFE CAN GET BETTER. Even if the voices in your head are saying horrible things to you, even if you are sleeping with your mother and thinking about killing your father, even if you are gay and your parents are conservative republican Mormons, even if you get beat up everyday by a man you would never even think of leaving, LIFE CAN GET BETTER. There is a get out of jail free card. There is a way out of your pain and misery and IT ISN’T THROUGH ENDING YOUR LIFE!

Our egos have constructs of “what is okay” and “what is too shameful, too painful, too humiliating” to live with.

These constructs are NOT real!

Don’t believe them.

You don’t have to be a straight A student to have value. You don’t have to get the guy or gal of your dreams for your life to be worth living. Don’t buy into our culture’s values that if you are not the best, you have no reason to be. I did and it made me miserable.

At one point I wanted to kill myself because I didn’t get cast as Anita in “West Side Story” in High School. I literally felt like my life was over. There was no point in going on or trying. But guess what? That was a LIE my brain was telling me. If a guy broke up with me, guess what? I wanted to die. My mind said, “You are alone in this world. You will always be alone. Get me out of this anguish.” I cried and cried. I cried doing homework in college. I cried working out with videos. I cried in the bathroom at parties.

GUESS WHAT NOBODY TOLD ME???

YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE MISERABLE.

YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

Now your mind may be saying, “Maybe she can change, but my depression is hereditary.” Well, I’ll tell you, my mom is still depressed, my sibling is on anti-depressants and I am gloriously (95 % of the time) pain free. "Depression is hereditary" is just an excuse to not heal yourself.

So, how did I do it?

I took the LONG, LONG, LONG route. Not alcoholism or drugs (though there was a decade and a half of workaholism), but anti-depressants and therapists. Therapy is a good first step, but anti-depressants repress emotions, as do drinking and smoking pot. In order to heal we need to EXPRESS emotions not REPRESS them. (However, if the choice is between anti-depressants and suicide bridge, take anti-depressants!)

What no one told me (and maybe I wouldn’t have believed them then) is:

1. Depression comes from negative energy stored in the body.
2. Emotional suffering comes from misunderstandings about yourself and others.
3. Your life circumstances mirror your inner beliefs.

CHANGE YOUR BELIEFS AND YOU CHANGE YOUR FEELINGS AND YOUR LIFE CIRCUMSTANCES.

Even if you have nothing but this blog, if this is your only resource… you can still heal yourself.

Your ego argues, “I tried affirmations and they don’t work.”

Of course, they don’t work! You are piling flowers on crap. You need to clear the crap before you can plant the flowers.

Trying one thing and it not working is NO REASON to think you will always feel horrible. It’s no reason to kill yourself! It’s no reason to give up!

We are so kept in the dark as a society about how to heal ourselves. For the most part, were not even taught how to love ourselves.

Why are we taught our f*&!ing ABCs and not taught to love ourselves! We are taught where to put a period, but not our value as human beings!

Are you kidding me???!!!

So, what’s the magic remedy?

How are you going to heal without money, without help, without God? (Because if you are that depressed you are definitely separated from God and probably an atheist like I was.)

Here’s how:

You need to get rid of the negative energy in your body and mind by processing it.

You can do this several different ways:

1. Write out what is upsetting you (and burn it.)

2. Exercise. When you exercise you release the negative energy trapped in your body. Kundalini yoga is the science of clearing negative energy. Even full body shaking for 15 minutes a day can clear so much.

3. Meditate. This is so amazing. All you have to do is sit down and breathe. What could be easier? You can even lie down and breathe. The point is to put the attention onto yourself: to listen to yourself for once. “What do you need?” “What are you feeling?” By focusing on your inhalation and exhalation you are giving yourself the longed for attention you need and deserve. This attention naturally turns to affection. You give yourself the attention and love so many of us long for in our lives. If you want more structure in your meditation, Google David Elliott’s Breathwork or Vipassana meditation. (There are even free retreat centers that teach you to meditate.)

4. GET HELP. I know, for years I didn’t tell anyone I was suicidal because I didn’t want to bring them down and I falsely believed that no one cared. People care. Strangers care. If your parents don’t care, maybe a teacher will. If your teacher doesn’t care, maybe a friend’s parent will. Reach out. There is no shame in feeling like a worthless piece of crap. No one taught us to love ourselves so how can we know any different? Later in life, I called the suicide hotline. They are great. They answer the phone. They get you through the crisis. And you are in crisis if you are thinking about killing yourself. You aren’t thinking straight. Imagine you are in a negative energy induced fog: DO NOT HANDLE HEAVY MACHINERY OR GUNS OR ROPES OR PRETTY LITTLE PILLS.

5. Try ALTERNATIVE METHODS of healing. My God! People would rather be dead than sit with their legs crossed and their eyes closed for half an hour? Alternative methods—Breathwork, acupuncture, chiropractic, aromatherapy, constellational healing, massage, reiki, ecstatic dancing, any kind of dancing, tantra classes, theta healing, REMT, hypnosis, rebirth therapy, energy medicine, Biodecoding, light therapy. The list goes on forever. You are NOT ALLOWED to kill yourself until you’ve tried everything. I don’t care if you believe in it or not, it will still work! If you are going to end it all anyway, what have you got to lose? You might have some fun in the meantime.

6. Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for judging yourself as worthless. Forgive yourself for whatever you think you did that qualifies you as worthless. Forgive yourself for hating your parents. Forgive yourself for hating your life. Forgive yourself for having so much hatred inside of you. It’s not your fault. But you do need to take responsibility for it in order to process it and let it go.

7. Scream and pound a pillow. If you do nothing else, do this. Even if you are so repressed that you think “I am not angry. I don’t know what she is talking about.” Come on, you’d rather be dead than hit a pillow? Then you’re not trying!! Self-hatred and hatred of others are false beliefs. They come from negative energy stuck in your body. You can get them out if you EXPRESS THEM!!!

If you think only horrible people feel angry, only irrational people scream, only weak people cry, then you are TRAPPING YOURSELF IN SUPPRESSED EMOTIONS! You’d rather be dead than a horrible person? You’d rather be dead than weak? You’d rather be miserable than act different from other people? Please! We are human, we are all different, weak, and horrible at some time in our lives.

CUT YOURSELF SOME SLACK instead of CUTTING YOURSELF SOME ROPE.

You can learn to love yourself. You can learn to think you are wonderful and amazing. You can get free of chronic emotional pain. You just need to take action.

Take the actions that I recommended above. You can do many of them from the privacy of your own home. BUT REMEMBER... When you release the negative energy, don't buy into it. As it releases, horrible thoughts may come into your head, terrible feelings may come into your body, these are past feelings that haven't been expressed. They need to be let out. Don't believe them, just FEEL them so THEY CAN BE RELEASED.

DON’T LET AN ILLUSION OF being trapped in misery END your precious life.

You can get free.

You can be happy.

Write, scream, breathe, meditate, get help, do yoga, call the suicide hotline, forgive yourself, do whatever you have to do, but don’t stay where you are in pain. Don’t believe that voice in your head saying death is the only way out…THAT IS A LIE.

The truth is:

You will feel so much better once you release the layers of pain.
You will feel joy in the core of your being.
You will know what it is like to give and receive love.
You will love yourself and what made you who you are today.

I’ve been there. I got through it. And now I give thanks for each new day of life.

Please pass on this article to anyone who…
Dresses in all black.
Responds to “Good morning” with “F-you!”
Uses the word “Bullshit” more than three times a day.
Stays in their room all day.
Has a drug or alcohol addiction (the slow suicide methods).
Who popped into your mind while you were reading this.

You never know, you could save a life. Or at least show that you care.

Dear God,

Today, in the middle of praying, I wondered why I pray.

If divinity is within me and I am one with it, then it seems like praying distances me from the oneness. Separates me. It is “me” praying to “God.”

Perhaps the distinction is necessary because I am also human and the prayer is coming from the human part going to the divinity within me. It is a form of surrendering to my higher self. I ask that God watch over my sister in her time of need, I ask that God protect me as I drive, I ask that God guide my actions and words so they are said and done with love.

As I think about it, praying to me is like setting my intentions. A powerful way to align myself with my highest good.

If I discover myself dreading a situation, I realize I have negative expectations and I reset my expectations for a positive outcome by creating AN INTENTION. Then the auto-response from my inner five-year-old or my inner teenager doesn’t kick in to unconsciously create the outcome. Any unhealed wounds don’t get to repeat their unhelpful patterns. My intentions guide my emotions, my interactions with others and my healing toward the best possible outcome available to me at the time.

Another way to say it is that prayer and intention align my lower self with my higher self. My ego with my authentic being.

This is the purpose of meditation for me. When I meditate, I connect to my inner divine spark. I AM. I dissolve my human self into the divine. I merge with the oneness, with everything, with bliss on a quantum level. This is my path. Surrendering my human self to UNITE with the divine.

There --no prayers separate me from who I really am.
There -- I am pure joy, love and abundance.
There -- I am one with all.

Of course, it's easy to be blissed out by myself in bed, with my eyes closed, breathing deeply. The key is to carry that state with me into every moment, every interaction, every eyes-open breath. And I am on the path to bring that state of oneness into waking and walking consciousness.

My future God-self.

For now, I will continue with my path of intention, prayer and meditation. Praying to be cleansed of limiting beliefs and misunderstandings. Creating intentions to reside in my loving, experience epiphanies and enjoy each moment. And meditating to connect to the oneness. I will consider prayer as a way to connect to the divine, not as a separation from Him. Until he and I are one.

Oh, and Dear God, thanks for the ride.

Six Short Cuts to Self-Love

Loving ourselves is so vital for our health and well-being and for our happiness. If you don’t love yourself, life is a chore, life is a hardship. If you deeply love yourself, you can connect with the joy and beauty that surrounds you, you can take proper care of yourself, you can enjoy the ups and learn from the downs.

To me, self-love is a feeling state. My body feels relaxed and receptive. When I think of myself, I smile. My affection surrounds me and seeps into my body. I adore my lips, my eyes, my arms, my legs, my spine, my liver, my gums, my intestines. When I love myself it is the same feeling as watching a multi-colored sunset from a steaming hot bathtub on an island vacation.

When I am not feeling this ecstatic state of self-affection, I use easy visualizations to fall back in love. Feel free to try them and add your own…

1. Transfer the Feeling of Love to Yourself

Sometimes we can feel love for other people that we cannot feel for ourselves . Envision someone or something you love. A beloved pet, a child, a friend, or your favorite grandparent. Fill up with that love you feel for that person or thing and let it saturate your body. Feel it expand in your chest, radiating out of your heart to your fingertips and toes. Then in your mind’s eye, picture yourself where you pictured that other person or pet and envelop yourself with that fountain of love. Let it penetrate you. Let yourself be filled to overflowing with your feelings of love. See how amazing you are. How beautiful. How valuable. How loveable.

2. Send Love to a Picture of Yourself as a Child

This is a great way to fill up with self-loving. Sometimes people have shame and judgments about themselves as adults and create misbeliefs that they are unworthy of love. But if you look at a picture of yourself as a child: newborn, 2, 5, even 10 years old, you can see the innocence, the sweetness, the miracle of that life. You can bring compassion and forgiveness to the experiences that created you. You can see how adorable and valuable and worthy of love you are.

3. Put Your Attention On You

Energy healer David Elliott says, “Energy flows where awareness goes.” In the American culture, we are starved for attention and affection. We constantly look outside ourselves and compare ourselves unfavorably with others. We fill our heads with information and amass huge amounts of money to say, “Hey, look at me. Look how great I am. Love me.” But really all we need to do is turn our attention inward, reflecting on our breath, on our bodies or on our life. This positive attention from ourselves to ourselves naturally turns into blissful affection.

4. Self-Acknowledgement

Focus on what is great and amazing about you. Make a daily list. Repeat it to yourself often. Acknowledge yourself for what you have accomplished in this day, week, year or lifetime. Big or small. Anything good. I acknowledge myself for getting a degree in Psychology. I acknowledge myself for giving food to a homeless teenager. I acknowledge myself for exercising today. I acknowledge myself for speaking kindly to my co-workers today. I acknowledge myself for calling my mother. This exercises feels great, strengthens your positive qualities and increases your self-loving.

5. Three-Part Breath Meditation

Sometimes negative energy blocks our ability to feel LOVE in our bodies. This breath process clears the negative feelings of anger, sadness, disappointment, frustration, or annoyance and allows you to feel your naturally vibrating positive energy. It is simple and can be done laying in bed (the head in alignment with the neck). Relax your jaw and take a full breath through your mouth into your stomach, then (without exhaling) take a second breath into the chest expanding the area around the heart and then exhale out the mouth. (One breathe per second – three seconds total) Do it for at least 10 minutes or until you feel the feelings of love and warmth flood your body.

6. Do Something Loving For Yourself

This is a great way to feel your self-love and express it. Think of something you love to do, that fills you with joy, that you have been putting off because you don’t have time, then make the time to do it! Take yourself to the movies. Paint a canvas. Go for a walk in the park. Call a friend. Take a bath. Play with a pile of puppies. Whatever makes your heart sing. Do it today!

When you love yourself, you feel great and when you feel great, you enjoy every aspect of your life and most of the people in it too. When you fill up on self-love, it flows over to those around you. Why else did God make traffic if not to give us more time to fall deeply in love with ourselves? Happy loving! Love on!