Process Your Own Pain, Dammit!

Every one of us is given our fair share of pain. I mean, literally, the Universe says here is your quotient of suffering, let’s see what you do with it.

I think the Universe’s Plan is that we turn it into light, make lemonade from lemons, diamonds from coal, rainbows from rain, compassion from suffering, love from hate, learning from lessons.

But some of us get so busy with being successful or raising kids or trying to make a living, that we fail to take time to process our fair share of pain…

So what happens to it?
I’ll give you a hint…
It doesn’t just leave.

Sometimes, it gets buried deep in the crevices of your body and shows up as unexplained rage or an endless cough. But other times, people who are more sensitive and open to another’s energy take it on and process it for us.

These are the CRAZY people in your life. They never listen. They can’t pay attention. They drive into other people’s bumpers. And why? Because they are so busy processing your pain. It gets overwhelming.

See, they are already trying to process their own pain. That underlying anxiety or unmourned childhood grief. But put this sensitive person around someone who is not doing their own processing and whammo, you’ve got a snowballing neurotic “self-centered” mess on your hands.

Many people believe that there are power struggles in relationships. I say that there are pain struggles. The struggle is this…who is going to process this pain? You can’t exactly hire out. You can’t send it to India, where labor is cheaper. Pain Processors ($2.00 per trauma).

This new theory resolves the age old question of why men consider women crazy.

Because our culture encourages qualities of sensitivity and receptivity in women and discouraged “softness” in men, men try to fulfill their societal demands by making themselves sturdy and strong, and inadvertently they refuse to process the multiple daily hits on their pain body. (Their natural daily quotient of pain.) And their sensitive counterparts easily absorb the unseen pain and become…you guessed it…depressed. Or crazy. Or crazy depressed. “Tell me you love me…again!!!”

So what is the solution for those Over Processors of Pain?

Well, there are a few.

For one, process your pain. Meditate everyday. Or write in a journal. Or shake your body for 15 minutes. Beat a pillow. Play sports. Scream in the woods. Try yoga. Or running. Pain needs time and attention to surface because our emotions are so repressed in this society. (Think about the last time you laughed or cried – was it in a movie or watching television?)

So, take several deep breaths several times a day and be with yourself. Let discomfort (pain’s brother) or disappointment (pain’s cousin) gently pass through you on its way out. It is not you. The true you is light and love. It is just a misunderstanding sent to earth for processing.

Two, refuse to process another person’s pain. If you see you are in a relationship with someone who makes you crazy, look at the facts: is this person in touch with their feelings? Do they take responsibility for their emotions? Do they have emotions? If you are in a relationship with a numbed out person, then, hello?, they are not processing their pain. And chances are, you’re processing it for them, which can lead to fatigue, illness, neurosis or in extreme cases, the crazies.

Finally, bring awareness to your interchanges of energy. How do you feel after being with a certain person? Is their energy clear and you feel seen and heard and present with that person or did they just suck the life out of you?

Remember, pain is a fact of life according to Buddha. If you are not performing your humanly duties to transform that negativity into positivity then you just might see your boss going into a rage for no reason, or your kids throw tantrums in Target or your dogs ripping into each other’s fur.

Because, my friends, those around us are sensitive. They can feel our anxiety; they pick it up like positive protons attract negative electrons. So, do your family and friends a favor. Do the world a favor. Be aware. Process your own pain.
Cuz I’m not going to.

And if you are processing your own pain, then thank you! Good job! Hurray! Be Proud! You are the world's future.