The last two months I had a sinus infection that turned into five asthma attacks and two bouts of bronchitis.
I took this as a great opportunity for me to accept myself exactly as I am and to deepen in my trust that God (spirit/energy) creates everything for my highest good.
Through breath meditation, I opened to the lessons: value “being” and not just “doing”, take time to enjoy the more subtle delights of living (like breathing!), pay loving attention to my shadow side, speak my truth, release all drama. There were so many lessons!
Yet the sinus pressure just kept going.
I “unstuffed” every room in my house including the basement and garage – taking four carloads to my neighborhood Good Will.
I let my sinuses express themselves through my writing. They had so much to say. They vented large amounts of anger. They wanted to go to Italy. They were tired of doing healing work.
I honored them by listening without judgment and assuring them that it was safe to express themselves, knowing that in doing so, they could release the underlying negative feelings. Set the pressure free!!
And yet…they persisted. I juiced vegetables and drank wheatgrass and squirted saline water up my noise to rinse out the mucus.
(Side note: did you know we drink 2 quarts of mucus a day? And that's normal.)
And yet…they persisted.
Then I thought about what was different last year than this year.
Last year over Christmas and New Year's I was in love. I was deliciously, exquisitely vibrating, sharing my heart with a lovely, inspiring man.
We were holding hands, staring lovingly into each other’s eyes, sharing long philosophical discussions, exchanging our visions for raising consciousness on earth and of course, making the yummy love. Very good for the sinuses!
My whole body was relaxed and my eyes were soft with wonder.
Ah-hah! I exclaimed. That was the difference.
So, to be healthy, I need to fall in love!
I quickly offered affection to a few nice gents, but no takers.
So, I decided to fall in love with everything!
Some things are so easy to fall in love with. Birds and trees and sunshine. Babies and puppies. Flowers. It’s easy to love time off work and baths and deep hugs. But to truly be in love, I needed to love everything.
I looked deeply into every person I met. After the superficial discomfort of how foreign it feels to love a stranger, something would shimmer inside of them. I caught a glimpse of their struggle and their victories. If I needed help I would picture them as a child. This always awakens my heart for me.
I saw the perfection of each person on his or her path. The perfection of concrete and joblessness. I saw the incredible gifts of sickness. My body reverberated with sensitivity and compassion. As if I said, “Yes” to everything. “Yes” to sleeping alone. “Yes” to my past pain. “Yes” to not knowing what is to come. “Yes” to opening my heart to love and to contraction. “Yes.”
I was totally awake and alive… and yet my sinuses still persisted.
The difference was that now I was in love with them. In love with the pressure on either side of my nose. In love with their staunch determination. In love with the enticing pop they made as they cleared little by little.
Then my sinuses taught me another lesson… they taught me why it can take so long to heal. The clearing is happening on five levels. Not only did I need to clear the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual level, but I also needed to clear the unconscious realm.
So, back I went for another gestalt (talking to the aspect). This time guided by a trusted USM counselor and I discovered the secret.
I was punishing myself for being happy.
My sicknesses were keeping me in the pattern I grew up in. I had created the misbelief that to appease my parent I wasn’t allowed to be happy. My father valued hard work, not joy. My mother couldn’t find her happiness if it bit her in the ass. So, I created a belief that was causing me to be ill.
And the more “in love” or happy I became, the sicker I became. Ah-ha!!
So, I forgave myself for buying into the misbelief that I wasn’t allowed to be happy. I forgave myself for judging my parents as unhappy. I let go of the guilt of being incredibly, joyfully, ecstatic and I was set free.
The truth is I am happy. It is safe for me to be ecstatically joyful.
I’d like to say that my sinuses cleared up instantly after that realization and my subsequent proclamation. Not quite.
As of this writing they are perfectly clear. But the pressure is on stand by. It’s waiting to make sure I’ve full committed to joy. It is waiting in the wings like an ambitious understudy, ready to take the stage if I slip up.
But I am confident. I am ready to gently free my sinuses of their guard. Thank you sinuses! Thank you for being such a determined teacher. Thank you for the awarenesses. Thank you for helping me fall in love with everything! Thank you for clearing my past pattern of self-punishment. I owe you nothing less than my greatest joy.
I love you.
Now, about that soulmate…
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Love, Sweet Love
Divinity woke me up this morning and
Bliss got me out of bed.
Sweetness made me breakfast as
Kindness did the dishes.
Answered prayers blessed my food and
Ease envisioned my day
Then Love, Sweet Love looked at me with dark magnetic eyes
and said, “Can we play?”
Bliss got me out of bed.
Sweetness made me breakfast as
Kindness did the dishes.
Answered prayers blessed my food and
Ease envisioned my day
Then Love, Sweet Love looked at me with dark magnetic eyes
and said, “Can we play?”
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Stay Small!
Stay Small
Oh, it’s so nice to live small, out of everyone’s way, not hurting anyone. Barely making a peep. Not seen and not heard so you never get in trouble. It’s so comfortable living small. You never have to change anything, never have to step up to bat or take any chances or be wrong. You are safe. Safe and comfortable.
No one to tell you messed up.
No one to tell you you’re bad.
No punishments.
Ahh! What a relief.
The same old job.
The same old (tired, non functioning) relationship.
Thank God you don’t have to venture out on your own.
So nice to be safely watching television, to not have to risk upsetting someone, to be left alone with your secrets, to never have to form an opinion and stand by it. To never have to contradict someone you love. Never have to stray from the pack.
Never stand up for your value. Cozy like a church mouse.
But we are not church mice. We are lions.
We were made to roar. Our purpose is so big and magnificent it scares us. We are meant to be amazing, shining beings of strength and power. We are meant to have deep inner knowing that guides our every step. We are meant to feel love and connection on a visceral level like the blood pulsing through our veins. We are meant to create incredible symbols of great meaning. We are meant to discover the miracle in ourselves. We are meant to know our own divinity.
But sometimes we cave to a culture of derision and scepticism or to depressed parents or office peer pressure or a series of personal defeats and we play it safe instead of living to our full shiny ecstatic capacity.
Thoughts trip through our heads: maybe this is the best I can do. Maybe this is all I deserve. How could I ever achieve that dream? Who will reject me because this thought is different? Who will resent me if I break ties with “the story” and be ecstatically joyful? Who will project their pain and anger onto me for being too big, too loud, too happy? How many ways could this be misinterpreted? Could I be arrested? Will my father disown me?
But then that magnificence pushes out of us. That new thought, that joyful feeling, that creative nudge, that burning desire, that inspired idea, that incredible being.
And we are faced with the age-old question. Will I stand by it or will I brush it under the carpet and excuse it as fanciful, idiotic, ridiculous, crazy or undoable?
What would you be like if you believed in yourself 100%?
If you knew with deep inner certainty what the universe put you here to do or be? Why the universe gave you these parents, this zip code and this path to walk? If you knew without a doubt you were made to bring light into the places of darkness, could you get on that boat?
Could you finish that project?
Could you let go of distractions?
Stop procrastinating?
Could you feel abundant while the rest of the world complains that there is not enough.
Could you feel blissfully free while the rest of the world desperately tries to control you?
Really what I am saying is we are all on a spiritual path. When we deny our ideas and dreams, we make the path that much longer. When we take time for ourselves: change a pattern, finish a project and celebrate our gifts, we walk our path.
I agree with Ziggy Marley “Nobody’s gonna lose their soul.” We’re all headed in the same direction – spiritual evolution – turn right at Love Street. So, you can fall off the path as much as you like.
But the juice is on the path, the learnings are on the path, the delicious embrace of self-love is on the path. The emotional, mental, spiritual victories are on the path.
I dare you.
Admit you are amazing and live from that place.
Because that is what is true.
Oh, it’s so nice to live small, out of everyone’s way, not hurting anyone. Barely making a peep. Not seen and not heard so you never get in trouble. It’s so comfortable living small. You never have to change anything, never have to step up to bat or take any chances or be wrong. You are safe. Safe and comfortable.
No one to tell you messed up.
No one to tell you you’re bad.
No punishments.
Ahh! What a relief.
The same old job.
The same old (tired, non functioning) relationship.
Thank God you don’t have to venture out on your own.
So nice to be safely watching television, to not have to risk upsetting someone, to be left alone with your secrets, to never have to form an opinion and stand by it. To never have to contradict someone you love. Never have to stray from the pack.
Never stand up for your value. Cozy like a church mouse.
But we are not church mice. We are lions.
We were made to roar. Our purpose is so big and magnificent it scares us. We are meant to be amazing, shining beings of strength and power. We are meant to have deep inner knowing that guides our every step. We are meant to feel love and connection on a visceral level like the blood pulsing through our veins. We are meant to create incredible symbols of great meaning. We are meant to discover the miracle in ourselves. We are meant to know our own divinity.
But sometimes we cave to a culture of derision and scepticism or to depressed parents or office peer pressure or a series of personal defeats and we play it safe instead of living to our full shiny ecstatic capacity.
Thoughts trip through our heads: maybe this is the best I can do. Maybe this is all I deserve. How could I ever achieve that dream? Who will reject me because this thought is different? Who will resent me if I break ties with “the story” and be ecstatically joyful? Who will project their pain and anger onto me for being too big, too loud, too happy? How many ways could this be misinterpreted? Could I be arrested? Will my father disown me?
But then that magnificence pushes out of us. That new thought, that joyful feeling, that creative nudge, that burning desire, that inspired idea, that incredible being.
And we are faced with the age-old question. Will I stand by it or will I brush it under the carpet and excuse it as fanciful, idiotic, ridiculous, crazy or undoable?
What would you be like if you believed in yourself 100%?
If you knew with deep inner certainty what the universe put you here to do or be? Why the universe gave you these parents, this zip code and this path to walk? If you knew without a doubt you were made to bring light into the places of darkness, could you get on that boat?
Could you finish that project?
Could you let go of distractions?
Stop procrastinating?
Could you feel abundant while the rest of the world complains that there is not enough.
Could you feel blissfully free while the rest of the world desperately tries to control you?
Really what I am saying is we are all on a spiritual path. When we deny our ideas and dreams, we make the path that much longer. When we take time for ourselves: change a pattern, finish a project and celebrate our gifts, we walk our path.
I agree with Ziggy Marley “Nobody’s gonna lose their soul.” We’re all headed in the same direction – spiritual evolution – turn right at Love Street. So, you can fall off the path as much as you like.
But the juice is on the path, the learnings are on the path, the delicious embrace of self-love is on the path. The emotional, mental, spiritual victories are on the path.
I dare you.
Admit you are amazing and live from that place.
Because that is what is true.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Save the Date! February 7th at The Hub!
JOIN LAURENCE WALSH
AT THE HUB
FEBRUARY 7th
FOR AN EVENING OF BREATHING
FOCUSED ON
SELF EMPOWERMENT
Too often people confuse Self Empowerment with selfishness or narcissism. Self Empowerment is actually the path to greatest service and joy. When we believe in ourselves and our life's purpose, we can infuse the world with our powerful creations. We can lift spirits. We can spread laughter. We can touch the hearts of friends and strangers, opening them to the gifts they have to give the world.
To be fully empowered means that you are present in your body, you are aligned with your truth, you are speaking from your heart and you are honoring yourself and others.
This breath session will use a talking circle to witness and support each person as they examine and strengthen their relationship to Self Empowerment. Through self-acknowledgment, intention setting and reconnecting to intuition, we will anchor in our life path and joyful purpose. Through the breath work, we will release self-doubt and insecurity, blocks to being fully Self Empowered. Then we will relax into our natural state of being: love and joy, trust and surrender. From here we can access our intuition and receive the best guidance. From this place of complete self-acceptance and self-love, we can see ourselves as the amazing miracles we truly are.
Plus, come on, I mean, it will be fun.
The Hub
2001 South Barrington Avenue, Ste 150
Los Angeles, CA 90025
T: (310) 575- 4200
February 7th, 5:30pm-7pm, $35.00
WHAT TO BRING: water, a yoga mat and blanket.
AT THE HUB
FEBRUARY 7th
FOR AN EVENING OF BREATHING
FOCUSED ON
SELF EMPOWERMENT
Too often people confuse Self Empowerment with selfishness or narcissism. Self Empowerment is actually the path to greatest service and joy. When we believe in ourselves and our life's purpose, we can infuse the world with our powerful creations. We can lift spirits. We can spread laughter. We can touch the hearts of friends and strangers, opening them to the gifts they have to give the world.
To be fully empowered means that you are present in your body, you are aligned with your truth, you are speaking from your heart and you are honoring yourself and others.
This breath session will use a talking circle to witness and support each person as they examine and strengthen their relationship to Self Empowerment. Through self-acknowledgment, intention setting and reconnecting to intuition, we will anchor in our life path and joyful purpose. Through the breath work, we will release self-doubt and insecurity, blocks to being fully Self Empowered. Then we will relax into our natural state of being: love and joy, trust and surrender. From here we can access our intuition and receive the best guidance. From this place of complete self-acceptance and self-love, we can see ourselves as the amazing miracles we truly are.
Plus, come on, I mean, it will be fun.
The Hub
2001 South Barrington Avenue, Ste 150
Los Angeles, CA 90025
T: (310) 575- 4200
February 7th, 5:30pm-7pm, $35.00
WHAT TO BRING: water, a yoga mat and blanket.
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