Ecstasy of Love
Are you playing small with your love?
Only loving what’s good and right?
Only loving so much, but not with your whole heart?
Afraid of being mocked or rejected?
Join me in opening the valves of love and
let love rush over you like a tidal wave.
In this breath session we will examine how we limit our loving,
we will surrender our fear of giving and receiving love and
we will discover the bliss that is our natural state of being.
Where can you find greater happiness by experiencing more love?
With yourself?
In your relationship?
In your day-to-day activities?
With your life purpose?
Join me to open your heart and fall in love with your life.
Let Your Love Flow…
May 14, 2010
7:30pm Gather
8pm-9:30pm Breathwork
The Hub
2001 South Barrington Avenue
Ste 150
Los Angeles, CA 90025
Cost: $35.00
What to bring: water, yoga mat, blanket, favorite teddy bear.
"Laurence is intuitive and a natural born facilitator, modeling strength of heart by her example. Through her group breathwork I have profound experiences with the energy of my body, guided breathing becomes a gateway to revelation and healing. For me, this is much more powerful and intense than “breathwork” implies, it is an opportunity to look my hurts and misunderstandings in the eye and release them forever, while tapping into deep levels of inspiration and creativity. Laurence is a gift to us all." -B.H.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Cooking With Rita
Why is it that when I cut celery into tiny parts, my hands start to shake? Honestly more than a half hour in the kitchen breaks me into a smelly sweat. I want to lash out at the innocent zucchini. I want to burn the payaya. I want to never eat again.
I have avoided learning to cook for thirty years. I have been a happy take out queen. Having meals prepared for me where I don’t have to know what work went into them. But I wasn’t nourished by these meals. I was fed, but not nourished.
What is it about the kitchen that puts me into such a shaking rage? Will I be able to overcome it? Will I heal from the fear? What really went on in the kitchen anyway?
My mother painstakingly prepared steaks and broccoli and potatoes for four kids and a distant husband, everyday, three meals a day for at least 24 years. We never gave her an award. We never helped with dishes.
Why should I be surprised that my mother became depressed over the broccoli? She was quite alone. Nobody to help her. No one to cheer her on. I mean, I tried, but I guess my believability, as an authority figure was low at five years old.
I tried to convince my mom to be happy. It was a fairly simple argument. I didn’t really have a reason. It just seemed like a better idea than being depressed and wanting to die.
I guess I didn’t really understand her desire to die until I was much older. I didn’t feel that misery that invades every pore. I didn’t have those dark voices whispering horrible things to me. You’re worthless. End it all. There’s no reason for you to be alive.
Now, I would recognize this pain…it means you are off your path. That’s right. Spiritual or not, every person has a path that is for their highest good and usually feels incredible. The happiness path. Where you are fulfilling your life purpose, where you feel the joys of interconnection, where there is so much to look forward to and experience each day.
I would have told my mom she needed to make serious changes in her life. But at five, I simply said, “Be happy. You don’t want to die.” Now, I could recommend meditation, retreats, spa visits, poetry, and self-acknowledgement.
But then, all I could do was go to bed crying and hope that tomorrow wasn’t the day she ended the pain.
I feel the fear as I cut the zucchini and the rage, as I taste the vinaigrette dressing. I want to leave the room. I want to throw out the food or at least let it rot until it grows new limbs and colors. Until it stands up on it’s own and reenacts my fear of losing my mother.
Yet I stay and let Rita guide me through how much salt to add, how to cut the celery. I am so grateful to have a fearless, loving person mixing and boiling and broiling and sataying in my kitchen. I am afraid she will leave me. That I will mess up and she will refuse to teach me. I try to be good, stay positive. Be grateful. But I am quaking.
I know this is the last step. This is the letting go. I’ve worked on this issue a million times. Meditated and therapized. But here is the real work. I need to be in the place, feel the fear and let it pass through me. I need to let my hands shake while washing the zucchini. And I need to cry after Rita is gone. The final step to overcoming a life long fear. Going back to the place it started.
Please don’t leave me mommy. Please don’t die while the potatoes are cooking. Please don’t tell me again how horrible life is. I might start to believe you.
Once again I am crying, but this time I am not alone. I have my ancestors with me. I have my angels supporting me. I have my animal guide protecting me. I have God cheering me on, to release and let go. I am filled, surrounded and protected with the white light of spirit. I am safe. And I am loved.
I have avoided learning to cook for thirty years. I have been a happy take out queen. Having meals prepared for me where I don’t have to know what work went into them. But I wasn’t nourished by these meals. I was fed, but not nourished.
What is it about the kitchen that puts me into such a shaking rage? Will I be able to overcome it? Will I heal from the fear? What really went on in the kitchen anyway?
My mother painstakingly prepared steaks and broccoli and potatoes for four kids and a distant husband, everyday, three meals a day for at least 24 years. We never gave her an award. We never helped with dishes.
Why should I be surprised that my mother became depressed over the broccoli? She was quite alone. Nobody to help her. No one to cheer her on. I mean, I tried, but I guess my believability, as an authority figure was low at five years old.
I tried to convince my mom to be happy. It was a fairly simple argument. I didn’t really have a reason. It just seemed like a better idea than being depressed and wanting to die.
I guess I didn’t really understand her desire to die until I was much older. I didn’t feel that misery that invades every pore. I didn’t have those dark voices whispering horrible things to me. You’re worthless. End it all. There’s no reason for you to be alive.
Now, I would recognize this pain…it means you are off your path. That’s right. Spiritual or not, every person has a path that is for their highest good and usually feels incredible. The happiness path. Where you are fulfilling your life purpose, where you feel the joys of interconnection, where there is so much to look forward to and experience each day.
I would have told my mom she needed to make serious changes in her life. But at five, I simply said, “Be happy. You don’t want to die.” Now, I could recommend meditation, retreats, spa visits, poetry, and self-acknowledgement.
But then, all I could do was go to bed crying and hope that tomorrow wasn’t the day she ended the pain.
I feel the fear as I cut the zucchini and the rage, as I taste the vinaigrette dressing. I want to leave the room. I want to throw out the food or at least let it rot until it grows new limbs and colors. Until it stands up on it’s own and reenacts my fear of losing my mother.
Yet I stay and let Rita guide me through how much salt to add, how to cut the celery. I am so grateful to have a fearless, loving person mixing and boiling and broiling and sataying in my kitchen. I am afraid she will leave me. That I will mess up and she will refuse to teach me. I try to be good, stay positive. Be grateful. But I am quaking.
I know this is the last step. This is the letting go. I’ve worked on this issue a million times. Meditated and therapized. But here is the real work. I need to be in the place, feel the fear and let it pass through me. I need to let my hands shake while washing the zucchini. And I need to cry after Rita is gone. The final step to overcoming a life long fear. Going back to the place it started.
Please don’t leave me mommy. Please don’t die while the potatoes are cooking. Please don’t tell me again how horrible life is. I might start to believe you.
Once again I am crying, but this time I am not alone. I have my ancestors with me. I have my angels supporting me. I have my animal guide protecting me. I have God cheering me on, to release and let go. I am filled, surrounded and protected with the white light of spirit. I am safe. And I am loved.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
The Sunny Side of the Street
All babies are cute on the sunny side of the street.
All cups are fully full on the sunny side of the street.
All mistakes are the funniest story you ever told.
The flowers bloom in dazzling colors on the sunny side of the street.
All smiles are irrepressible on the sunny side of the street.
On the other side of the street is spit and litter.
The flowers droop.
The kids are dangerously overweight.
The cup is cracked and leaking.
It smells like butt.
Cigarette smoke chokes the air.
Desperation screams at his out of control children.
Think of these two sides as the voices in your head: one will make you blossom, the other will make you wither.
One tells you you’re a good person. It’s proud of you! It recognizes your accomplishments!
The other criticizes you -- mocks you at the smallest effort, then makes you give up on yourself, eat chocolate chip cookie dough and watch reruns CSI:Miami. Or worse!
Sometimes we can control the voices. We can banish the shaming voice and say ‘yes’ to the uplifting voice. Sometimes the mean voice wins out.
The important thing is to be aware of the voices.
If you feel tired, angry and grumpy either you are not getting enough sleep, not eating right or you are walking on the shady side of the street.
If you are full of energy, humming show tunes and actually want to take a walk in the park, your inner cheerleader is doing his/her job.
Make it a choice.
Recognize the consequences.
Choose how you want to feel.
And then listen to that voice.
And if you absolutely can’t get rid of the mean voice, call me.
That’s what I do…breathe through the shady side so you can once again feel the sun.
All cups are fully full on the sunny side of the street.
All mistakes are the funniest story you ever told.
The flowers bloom in dazzling colors on the sunny side of the street.
All smiles are irrepressible on the sunny side of the street.
On the other side of the street is spit and litter.
The flowers droop.
The kids are dangerously overweight.
The cup is cracked and leaking.
It smells like butt.
Cigarette smoke chokes the air.
Desperation screams at his out of control children.
Think of these two sides as the voices in your head: one will make you blossom, the other will make you wither.
One tells you you’re a good person. It’s proud of you! It recognizes your accomplishments!
The other criticizes you -- mocks you at the smallest effort, then makes you give up on yourself, eat chocolate chip cookie dough and watch reruns CSI:Miami. Or worse!
Sometimes we can control the voices. We can banish the shaming voice and say ‘yes’ to the uplifting voice. Sometimes the mean voice wins out.
The important thing is to be aware of the voices.
If you feel tired, angry and grumpy either you are not getting enough sleep, not eating right or you are walking on the shady side of the street.
If you are full of energy, humming show tunes and actually want to take a walk in the park, your inner cheerleader is doing his/her job.
Make it a choice.
Recognize the consequences.
Choose how you want to feel.
And then listen to that voice.
And if you absolutely can’t get rid of the mean voice, call me.
That’s what I do…breathe through the shady side so you can once again feel the sun.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Getting off The Money Train
LACK OF MONEY
I spent a lot of my life in survival mode. I didn’t need to, but somehow I was there. I thought resources were limited. Love was limited. Food and jobs were limited. My family motto was, “Eat fast or someone else will get the food.” I worried about money constantly. I held tightly to it and could rarely spend it without the aim of making more from my purchase.
As a kid my folks told us the old depression era story that we didn’t have enough money. True, there were four kids, and true, we were in private schools, but my Dad made a good living as a doctor and yet I was always begging for lunch money and being called “mooch” by my classmates.
The strange thing was that I always found plenty of money in Dad’s wallet when he was in the bathroom showering. And my mom always had a limitless Visa to buy my sister clothes in exchange for her good behavior and allegiance (I used to call it “selling her soul”, but I’ve learned about projections since then).
I never recognized the contradiction between the great neighborhood I lived in and my parents claim that we had no money. Later in life, when one executive called me “privileged” I was entirely baffled by what she was referring to. I see it now, but it was a long road of bounced checks, low paying jobs and feeling like “I never had enough” before I saw it.
That’s about the time “The Secret” came out and I realized that residing in a “feeling of lacking” was attracting “a state of lacking.” Immediately, I changed my thoughts to positive thoughts about money.
LOVING MONEY
Then I got on the positive side of the hamster wheel…. thinking about an abundance of money flowing to me. Plotting how to get it, producing more and more things in order to create it, visualizing its different beautiful forms: A check with Laurence Walsh and $350,000 underneath it. Oh, I interspersed a few other thoughts in there too: about love, sex and making the world a better place, but mostly I was obsessed with thoughts of how to make money doing what I love, which is writing.
My new belief was that money would only come if I loved it, envisioned it or thanked it for coming. That’s when I realized I had made money a God. I was worshipping money, bowing down to money, singing money’s praises. I realized that this was the other side of the survival thinking coin that no longer served me. I had to let go of my focus on money.
REALIZATION OF ABUNDANCE
That’s when my friend Mike Baker said to me, “Have you ever gone a night without food? Or without a roof over your head?”
To which I had to respond, “No.”
This was a tremendous shift.
I had what I was looking for all along.
I just didn’t recognize it.
With this higher perspective, I saw how thoroughly taken care of and provided for I was.
I saw the abundance in my life.
Food, shelter, friends, family, help.
I realized I didn’t have to focus on money at all.
I began to shift my thinking. If I thought about money or how to get it, I let go of that thought and choose a new one. Sometimes I choose a “grounding” thought -- observing something beautiful around me – the vibrant shade of yellow on the ginkgo tree. Sometimes I refocus my thoughts to the next scene I am writing in my movie. Sometimes I take the thought and let it sink from my head into my heart and there dissipate into a joyful feeling. Sometimes, I randomly choose to contemplate a value instead: courage, sweetness, joy. It gives me a glorious burst of energy to contemplate values and it’s fantastic at shifting my survival mindset to free my heart and mind for more important things like the awareness of love. The point for me is to find balance, to neither villainize nor glorify money, but appreciate it for what it is: part of our exchange and value system.
THE FLOW
I’d love to end this story saying that the moment I made the transition in focus, money naturally started pouring in, but actually the money flow has been about the same. It comes when it’s needed. The difference is I don’t waste my time and energy worrying about when that will be because my focus is on the abundance that I already have.
The incredible, healthy food.
The soft, warm place to lay my head.
The excellent company of two lively fluff balls.
The opportunity to enjoy music, films and books.
The endless love and support from my family.
The sharing of conversation, meals and movies with friends.
My heart is open to be where I am and enjoy what I have rather than remain trapped by a single, endlessly reoccurring thought.
And I trust that the next time I need something, it will be there.
I spent a lot of my life in survival mode. I didn’t need to, but somehow I was there. I thought resources were limited. Love was limited. Food and jobs were limited. My family motto was, “Eat fast or someone else will get the food.” I worried about money constantly. I held tightly to it and could rarely spend it without the aim of making more from my purchase.
As a kid my folks told us the old depression era story that we didn’t have enough money. True, there were four kids, and true, we were in private schools, but my Dad made a good living as a doctor and yet I was always begging for lunch money and being called “mooch” by my classmates.
The strange thing was that I always found plenty of money in Dad’s wallet when he was in the bathroom showering. And my mom always had a limitless Visa to buy my sister clothes in exchange for her good behavior and allegiance (I used to call it “selling her soul”, but I’ve learned about projections since then).
I never recognized the contradiction between the great neighborhood I lived in and my parents claim that we had no money. Later in life, when one executive called me “privileged” I was entirely baffled by what she was referring to. I see it now, but it was a long road of bounced checks, low paying jobs and feeling like “I never had enough” before I saw it.
That’s about the time “The Secret” came out and I realized that residing in a “feeling of lacking” was attracting “a state of lacking.” Immediately, I changed my thoughts to positive thoughts about money.
LOVING MONEY
Then I got on the positive side of the hamster wheel…. thinking about an abundance of money flowing to me. Plotting how to get it, producing more and more things in order to create it, visualizing its different beautiful forms: A check with Laurence Walsh and $350,000 underneath it. Oh, I interspersed a few other thoughts in there too: about love, sex and making the world a better place, but mostly I was obsessed with thoughts of how to make money doing what I love, which is writing.
My new belief was that money would only come if I loved it, envisioned it or thanked it for coming. That’s when I realized I had made money a God. I was worshipping money, bowing down to money, singing money’s praises. I realized that this was the other side of the survival thinking coin that no longer served me. I had to let go of my focus on money.
REALIZATION OF ABUNDANCE
That’s when my friend Mike Baker said to me, “Have you ever gone a night without food? Or without a roof over your head?”
To which I had to respond, “No.”
This was a tremendous shift.
I had what I was looking for all along.
I just didn’t recognize it.
With this higher perspective, I saw how thoroughly taken care of and provided for I was.
I saw the abundance in my life.
Food, shelter, friends, family, help.
I realized I didn’t have to focus on money at all.
I began to shift my thinking. If I thought about money or how to get it, I let go of that thought and choose a new one. Sometimes I choose a “grounding” thought -- observing something beautiful around me – the vibrant shade of yellow on the ginkgo tree. Sometimes I refocus my thoughts to the next scene I am writing in my movie. Sometimes I take the thought and let it sink from my head into my heart and there dissipate into a joyful feeling. Sometimes, I randomly choose to contemplate a value instead: courage, sweetness, joy. It gives me a glorious burst of energy to contemplate values and it’s fantastic at shifting my survival mindset to free my heart and mind for more important things like the awareness of love. The point for me is to find balance, to neither villainize nor glorify money, but appreciate it for what it is: part of our exchange and value system.
THE FLOW
I’d love to end this story saying that the moment I made the transition in focus, money naturally started pouring in, but actually the money flow has been about the same. It comes when it’s needed. The difference is I don’t waste my time and energy worrying about when that will be because my focus is on the abundance that I already have.
The incredible, healthy food.
The soft, warm place to lay my head.
The excellent company of two lively fluff balls.
The opportunity to enjoy music, films and books.
The endless love and support from my family.
The sharing of conversation, meals and movies with friends.
My heart is open to be where I am and enjoy what I have rather than remain trapped by a single, endlessly reoccurring thought.
And I trust that the next time I need something, it will be there.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Value: Part I
Recently, I led a workshop on Self-Empowerment. I love teaching a subject because so much inspiration occurs to me while I am focused on it. In this case, my awareness fell onto stepping into my own power and uncovering what blocks others from stepping into theirs.
It was a beautiful and illuminating session. The crux of my learning was that our notion of power is based on a misunderstanding. It’s skewed to societies’ definition of power: money, reputation, status, looks, the type of dog you own. (In my case, Maltese!)
But true power is a feeling one has inside him or herself.
A feeling of value.
This feeling doesn’t rise with success or fall with perceived failure.
This feeling is unshakable.
This feeling is Self-Love.
Self-love values the being rather than the doing or having. That is… self-love holds the individual as precious and incredible without condition.
I am not amazing because I own a house. I am simply amazing in and of myself.
This is a hard concept for some to wrap their heads around. Especially since we’ve been taught from a young age that one’s value is connected to one’s belongings or accomplishments. One is defined as ‘a good mother’, ‘an accomplished pianist’, ‘a millionaire’, or ‘married to a doctor.’
The reason our value cannot be measured from the outside is simple. One can lose his/her belongings, one can lose his/her job, one can lose his/her spouse, but one can never lose his/her essence.
You are still you.
You are still valuable.
When we value ourselves for ourselves, we can feel good and happy and valuable no matter what the circumstance.
How you might ask? How can I make this shift in my belief system?
Unconditional self-love.
No matter what your situation, no matter where you wish you were, love yourself as you are.
Love your flaws and prize your good aspects. The essence of you is neither of these, but the process of loving and accepting yourself is important.
Accept everything about yourself. See yourself as you really are:
“A divine being having a human experience.” (quote from Ron and Mary Hulnick)
That is why only unconditional love can encompass our true value. All the flaws and failures and mistakes are part of the “human experience” and the human experience serves to transmute negative energy to positive in order to create more love for the divine.
Here was another big discovery: We can’t judge ourselves for making mistakes if our purpose on earth is to learn lessons.
When we forgive our mistakes and let go of blaming other people, we grow in love. I can actually feel my heart expanding in these moments. Try letting go of some limiting belief about your value right now. Feel that misbelief lift off your body. Feel what greater value feels like.
Self-value feels delicious. It feels like bliss in my body. It feels like a day at the beach. Like a permanent orgasm.
This is what we can all feel like if we give up societies’ fantasy of what is valuable (which is based on consumerism to drive a fruitful capitalist market) and we realign to our innate, limitless, priceless, inner value as part of the divine.
Stay tuned for Value: Part II… Where Are You Giving Your Power away?
It was a beautiful and illuminating session. The crux of my learning was that our notion of power is based on a misunderstanding. It’s skewed to societies’ definition of power: money, reputation, status, looks, the type of dog you own. (In my case, Maltese!)
But true power is a feeling one has inside him or herself.
A feeling of value.
This feeling doesn’t rise with success or fall with perceived failure.
This feeling is unshakable.
This feeling is Self-Love.
Self-love values the being rather than the doing or having. That is… self-love holds the individual as precious and incredible without condition.
I am not amazing because I own a house. I am simply amazing in and of myself.
This is a hard concept for some to wrap their heads around. Especially since we’ve been taught from a young age that one’s value is connected to one’s belongings or accomplishments. One is defined as ‘a good mother’, ‘an accomplished pianist’, ‘a millionaire’, or ‘married to a doctor.’
The reason our value cannot be measured from the outside is simple. One can lose his/her belongings, one can lose his/her job, one can lose his/her spouse, but one can never lose his/her essence.
You are still you.
You are still valuable.
When we value ourselves for ourselves, we can feel good and happy and valuable no matter what the circumstance.
How you might ask? How can I make this shift in my belief system?
Unconditional self-love.
No matter what your situation, no matter where you wish you were, love yourself as you are.
Love your flaws and prize your good aspects. The essence of you is neither of these, but the process of loving and accepting yourself is important.
Accept everything about yourself. See yourself as you really are:
“A divine being having a human experience.” (quote from Ron and Mary Hulnick)
That is why only unconditional love can encompass our true value. All the flaws and failures and mistakes are part of the “human experience” and the human experience serves to transmute negative energy to positive in order to create more love for the divine.
Here was another big discovery: We can’t judge ourselves for making mistakes if our purpose on earth is to learn lessons.
When we forgive our mistakes and let go of blaming other people, we grow in love. I can actually feel my heart expanding in these moments. Try letting go of some limiting belief about your value right now. Feel that misbelief lift off your body. Feel what greater value feels like.
Self-value feels delicious. It feels like bliss in my body. It feels like a day at the beach. Like a permanent orgasm.
This is what we can all feel like if we give up societies’ fantasy of what is valuable (which is based on consumerism to drive a fruitful capitalist market) and we realign to our innate, limitless, priceless, inner value as part of the divine.
Stay tuned for Value: Part II… Where Are You Giving Your Power away?
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