Recently, I gave up eating red meat. It was after three hours of watching my delicious beef bowl reverse direction from my stomach to my mouth and into the porcelain bowl that my inner knowing kicked in and said, “You can’t do this to yourself anymore. Your body is rejecting meat.”
At first I was okay without it…I found substitutes…who knew there were so many kinds of beans? Lentils are a bean. Cannellinis are a bean. Avocados are great protein. Tofu just tastes like cardboard. (Yes, I tried grilling it.)
I was adjusting, but I would drive by the places I frequented and imagine the beautiful, juicy cuts of sirloin I used to enjoy. I started tearing up just thinking about red meat. That’s right. I was crying. Over flank steaks.
This was me, nostalgically reminiscing: “Oh, that dear filet I used to eat at Cafe Beaujolais.” Or “Oh, I’ll never forget that beef teriyaki lunch special.” It wasn’t until I actually wept that I made the connection… that longing feels so familiar. That feeling of emptiness and desire. That feeling of starvation. I get it.
My desire for meat is a desire for love. And more than just any love…it was a desire for my mother’s love. The same deep yearning. The same desperation if I didn’t get it. The same tears of frustrated disappointment. I wanted red meat to hold me and softly sing me a lullyby. Maybe, “The cow flew over the moon…”
Eating red meat everyday made me feel loved. Made me feel safe. Without it, I was vulnerable and alone. Yearning. Empty. Motherless. Craving…
I thought I had healed my parental abandonment issues through two rigorous years attaining my Master’s Degree in Spiritual Psychology at the University of Santa Monica. Though I am sure I made headway, it wasn’t until I gave up my addiction to meat (my true heart ‘s desire) that I could feel the deeper emptiness that remained to be cleared. (I gave up my addiction to men the year before.)
Then I realized: that is all addiction is: the need for love.
(Sorry, if that is obvious, but it was a revelation to me.)
The good news is… there’s no need to be ashamed of your addiction! If it is simply a mother/father substitute, you can admit it…whatever it is…porn, “e”, drinking, men, women, being depressed, being skinny, crack, the Simpsons.
We are drawn to addictions to comfort us, to give us love when it wasn’t available or safe to get it from mom or pop. But probably like that relationship, the addiction hurts us as much as it comforts us. My addiction was causing my cholesterol to sky rocket and was making my body toxic (from eating a steady diet of low alkaline food.) The toxicity was causing migraines and vomiting. Bad mommy!
So I had to give it up!
We have to let go of our addiction in order to feel the feelings underlying them. (Wow, I’m really jonesing for a cookie right now – I must be onto something.)
If I don’t feel the emptiness, I can’t clear it. If I don’t clear it I will never be able to feel the true love that resides inside me and can only be felt when the pain is lifted.
And how do I lift that pain you may ask? First, I bring awareness to it. Then I let myself feel the feelings. Then I ask spirit to clear the negative feelings from my body and finally, I clear the misunderstandings through self forgiveness.
I forgive myself for the misunderstanding that I was abandoned by my mother. I forgive myself for the misbelief that I am alone and empty. I forgive myself for judging my mother as not being there for me. I forgive myself for the misunderstanding that no one loves me, that no one will comfort me or hold me. I cry any tears that these forgivenesses bring up. Then I allow myself to reconnect to mother energy.
I do this by my imagining my inner child being held by the soul of my mother beyond the field of our human judgments and woundedness. Our souls are divine and perfect. Our souls are all loving. I let her soul comfort my soul picturing an image of her soul translucent and glowing, lovingly hugging my tiny shimmering inner child. In a field of light. Or clover. Or well-lit clover.
And I am satiated. I am full. I am complete and whole. I am loved. I am reconnected to mother energy.
So, don’t be ashamed! Don’t hide your addiction in cowering fear! Just recognize it for what it is. Let it out into the open. Take responsibility for it, but not blame! Bring some compassion to yourself for needing more love and thinking that addiction was the only way you could get it.
Then quit. Quit so you can feel the truth of what you need. Quit so you can feeling your feelings and clear them. Quit so that you can get the deep, lasting love that you deserve. Or at least uplevel your addiction to something that might not kill you so quickly. Yes, I am claiming Simpsons are better for you than smoking. And an addiction to porn is probably more fun than an addiction to being depressed. Do the best you can.
As for me, I fall asleep in the warm embrace of my mother’s soul contemplating how I will give up my sugar daddy…
Monday, March 29, 2010
Friday, March 5, 2010
Six Short Cuts to Self-Love
Loving ourselves is so vital for our health and well-being and for our happiness. If you don’t love yourself, life is a chore, life is a hardship. If you deeply love yourself, you can connect with the joy and beauty that surrounds you, you can take proper care of yourself, you can enjoy the ups and learn from the downs.
To me, self-love is a feeling state. My body feels relaxed and receptive. When I think of myself, I smile. My affection surrounds me and seeps into my body. I adore my lips, my eyes, my arms, my legs, my spine, my liver, my gums, my intestines. When I love myself it is the same feeling as watching a multi-colored sunset from a steaming hot bathtub on an island vacation.
When I am not feeling this ecstatic state of self-affection, I use easy visualizations to fall back in love. Feel free to try them and add your own…
1. Transfer the Feeling of Love to Yourself
Sometimes we can feel love for other people that we cannot feel for ourselves . Envision someone or something you love. A beloved pet, a child, a friend, or your favorite grandparent. Fill up with that love you feel for that person or thing and let it saturate your body. Feel it expand in your chest, radiating out of your heart to your fingertips and toes. Then in your mind’s eye, picture yourself where you pictured that other person or pet and envelop yourself with that fountain of love. Let it penetrate you. Let yourself be filled to overflowing with your feelings of love. See how amazing you are. How beautiful. How valuable. How loveable.
2. Send Love to a Picture of Yourself as a Child
This is a great way to fill up with self-loving. Sometimes people have shame and judgments about themselves as adults and create misbeliefs that they are unworthy of love. But if you look at a picture of yourself as a child: newborn, 2, 5, even 10 years old, you can see the innocence, the sweetness, the miracle of that life. You can bring compassion and forgiveness to the experiences that created you. You can see how adorable and valuable and worthy of love you are.
3. Put Your Attention On You
Energy healer David Elliott says, “Energy flows where awareness goes.” In the American culture, we are starved for attention and affection. We constantly look outside ourselves and compare ourselves unfavorably with others. We fill our heads with information and amass huge amounts of money to say, “Hey, look at me. Look how great I am. Love me.” But really all we need to do is turn our attention inward, reflecting on our breath, on our bodies or on our life. This positive attention from ourselves to ourselves naturally turns into blissful affection.
4. Self-Acknowledgement
Focus on what is great and amazing about you. Make a daily list. Repeat it to yourself often. Acknowledge yourself for what you have accomplished in this day, week, year or lifetime. Big or small. Anything good. I acknowledge myself for getting a degree in Psychology. I acknowledge myself for giving food to a homeless teenager. I acknowledge myself for exercising today. I acknowledge myself for speaking kindly to my co-workers today. I acknowledge myself for calling my mother. This exercises feels great, strengthens your positive qualities and increases your self-loving.
5. Three-Part Breath Meditation
Sometimes negative energy blocks our ability to feel LOVE in our bodies. This breath process clears the negative feelings of anger, sadness, disappointment, frustration, or annoyance and allows you to feel your naturally vibrating positive energy. It is simple and can be done laying in bed (the head in alignment with the neck). Relax your jaw and take a full breath through your mouth into your stomach, then (without exhaling) take a second breath into the chest expanding the area around the heart and then exhale out the mouth. (One breathe per second – three seconds total) Do it for at least 10 minutes or until you feel the feelings of love and warmth flood your body.
6. Do Something Loving For Yourself
This is a great way to feel your self-love and express it. Think of something you love to do, that fills you with joy, that you have been putting off because you don’t have time, then make the time to do it! Take yourself to the movies. Paint a canvas. Go for a walk in the park. Call a friend. Take a bath. Play with a pile of puppies. Whatever makes your heart sing. Do it today!
When you love yourself, you feel great and when you feel great, you enjoy every aspect of your life and most of the people in it too. When you fill up on self-love, it flows over to those around you. Why else did God make traffic if not to give us more time to fall deeply in love with ourselves? Happy loving! Love on!
To me, self-love is a feeling state. My body feels relaxed and receptive. When I think of myself, I smile. My affection surrounds me and seeps into my body. I adore my lips, my eyes, my arms, my legs, my spine, my liver, my gums, my intestines. When I love myself it is the same feeling as watching a multi-colored sunset from a steaming hot bathtub on an island vacation.
When I am not feeling this ecstatic state of self-affection, I use easy visualizations to fall back in love. Feel free to try them and add your own…
1. Transfer the Feeling of Love to Yourself
Sometimes we can feel love for other people that we cannot feel for ourselves . Envision someone or something you love. A beloved pet, a child, a friend, or your favorite grandparent. Fill up with that love you feel for that person or thing and let it saturate your body. Feel it expand in your chest, radiating out of your heart to your fingertips and toes. Then in your mind’s eye, picture yourself where you pictured that other person or pet and envelop yourself with that fountain of love. Let it penetrate you. Let yourself be filled to overflowing with your feelings of love. See how amazing you are. How beautiful. How valuable. How loveable.
2. Send Love to a Picture of Yourself as a Child
This is a great way to fill up with self-loving. Sometimes people have shame and judgments about themselves as adults and create misbeliefs that they are unworthy of love. But if you look at a picture of yourself as a child: newborn, 2, 5, even 10 years old, you can see the innocence, the sweetness, the miracle of that life. You can bring compassion and forgiveness to the experiences that created you. You can see how adorable and valuable and worthy of love you are.
3. Put Your Attention On You
Energy healer David Elliott says, “Energy flows where awareness goes.” In the American culture, we are starved for attention and affection. We constantly look outside ourselves and compare ourselves unfavorably with others. We fill our heads with information and amass huge amounts of money to say, “Hey, look at me. Look how great I am. Love me.” But really all we need to do is turn our attention inward, reflecting on our breath, on our bodies or on our life. This positive attention from ourselves to ourselves naturally turns into blissful affection.
4. Self-Acknowledgement
Focus on what is great and amazing about you. Make a daily list. Repeat it to yourself often. Acknowledge yourself for what you have accomplished in this day, week, year or lifetime. Big or small. Anything good. I acknowledge myself for getting a degree in Psychology. I acknowledge myself for giving food to a homeless teenager. I acknowledge myself for exercising today. I acknowledge myself for speaking kindly to my co-workers today. I acknowledge myself for calling my mother. This exercises feels great, strengthens your positive qualities and increases your self-loving.
5. Three-Part Breath Meditation
Sometimes negative energy blocks our ability to feel LOVE in our bodies. This breath process clears the negative feelings of anger, sadness, disappointment, frustration, or annoyance and allows you to feel your naturally vibrating positive energy. It is simple and can be done laying in bed (the head in alignment with the neck). Relax your jaw and take a full breath through your mouth into your stomach, then (without exhaling) take a second breath into the chest expanding the area around the heart and then exhale out the mouth. (One breathe per second – three seconds total) Do it for at least 10 minutes or until you feel the feelings of love and warmth flood your body.
6. Do Something Loving For Yourself
This is a great way to feel your self-love and express it. Think of something you love to do, that fills you with joy, that you have been putting off because you don’t have time, then make the time to do it! Take yourself to the movies. Paint a canvas. Go for a walk in the park. Call a friend. Take a bath. Play with a pile of puppies. Whatever makes your heart sing. Do it today!
When you love yourself, you feel great and when you feel great, you enjoy every aspect of your life and most of the people in it too. When you fill up on self-love, it flows over to those around you. Why else did God make traffic if not to give us more time to fall deeply in love with ourselves? Happy loving! Love on!
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